Monday, September 06, 2004
home
going home today. haven't been there for a while. been staying at my dad's house the entire summer, and perhaps, more than that if you include the many, many days that i stayed over at my dad's house during the school year.
i wonder why i'm going home. location? perhaps. it is closer to school. ah, yes. i remember now. because this is gramma's home. my home. where i was bought up as a child, went to kindergarten, vacationed during summer and winter holidays--why, i lived here my whole life.
it's a bittersweet feeling i have going home. or maybe more so a bit of regret. i can't quite describe the feeling, honestly. the english language tends to be quite constricting.
the house is going to be sold eventually. and i know it.
apparently, the house is getting too old. also, nobody lives in the house anymore. the house needs to be renovated entirely. in fact, the house needs to be stripped down entirely.
i live in the house. gramma lived in the house. ever since gramma came to canada. dad and uncle david bought this house for her. this is my house. gramma gave it to me.
and i can clean the house. i've already started. i can repaint the walls.
but it doens't matter anymore. gramma can't defend me anymore.
nothing matters anymore.
because gramma isn't here.
| lily* || 0 || 2:13 p.m. |
